Bar none, the most emotionally draining element of coaching a youth sports team is interacting with the parents. Having coached youth teams for over twenty seasons and been an officer in multiple youth organizations, I can personally attest to the fact that parent-coach interaction is important to the team's success. The mismanagement of the parent-coach relationship by the coach, more then anything else, leads to their demise. By establishing expectations early in the season, having a conflict resolution mechanism, and managing the disagreement discussion, a coach can reduce the emotional impact to themselves and maintain their team's positive attitude.
Common Reasons For Coach-Parent Conflict
There are a multitude of reasons why a parent has a disagreement with a coach, but the most common are: playtime, skill development, coaching style, and competitive level of play. By far, playtime is the number one complaint as every parent wants to see their child play as much as possible. The second most common complaint is coaching style. Some coaches are intensely competitive while others are easy going and laid back. No matter how you manage the playtime and develop your coaching style, there will be at least one parent on your team that has an issue. It is inevitable.
The good first step to minimize these conflicts is to invest in yourself as a coach and develop the seven steps to successful coaching and learn how to coach self-confidence into your players. More than anything else, parents want the child to play their best with a lot of confidence in who they are and their ability. This is not saying that a parent needs to have their child be the best player on the team, just that they want the son or daughter to be playing at their best possible level.
Step 1: Establish the Team's Ground Rules
Set the player and parent expectations up front before the first practice, if possible, and definitely before the first game. Tell both the players and parents how playtime will be determined and how much emphasis will be placed on winning games. Let them know what is the expected player behavior and attitude in practice, on the bus to and from the game, and what pre and post game dress attire is required. Describe your goals for the team, your coaching style, and how your style will help the team attain the goals.
I cannot over emphasize this point: set expectation early and often. At the start of a season, parents and players have pre-conceived expectations. If you, as the coach, do not articulate what the expectations should be, the parents will use their uninformed expectations as the standard by which you are measure. These expectations are not aligned with yours, guaranteed.
Even when you set player and parent expectations up front, there inevitably will be times when conflict arises and it is important to have a conflict resolution policy in place.
Step 2: Establish the Ground Rules for Conflict Resolution
The open door policy and player managed are most common conflict resolution methods. The open door policy is where a coach makes themselves available for discussion with the player and parent. If you choose to implement this policy, tell the parents how and when they should approach you. I would recommend that you exclude the time immediately before and after a game as your mind, focus, and attitude will not be able to objectively deal with the disagreement and concern at hand. Another good policy is to have the parent request a time that you will be available. You probably already know what the concern will be but making the parent request a time in the future will give you an opportunity to gather your thoughts and, possible, seek input from the other coaches. The open door policy can be a effective method to keep the negative parent talk and discourse to a minimum by addressing any issues and concerns that arise in a timely fashion.
At the other end of conflict resolution is the player managed policy. This policy is favored by middle and high school and competitive tournament coaches where they state that parents should not talk to the coach about an issue, it is the player's responsibility to voice their grievance. Coaches use this method to keep the minor issues underground.
A third alternative is to use a combination of the policies above. For this method, the coach requests that the player approach them first to voice their concern before a parent approaches them. Coaches that successfully use this policy not only listen to the player's concern to understand the underlying issue, but also use the discussion with the player to determine what is the best communication method to reach the player. For example, is the player motivated by the coach getting in their face or by the coach explaining what they want and then showing them. Finally, when a parent approaches them after the player discussion, the coach must realize that the family considers this a major issue that needs to be resolved.
Step 3: Managing the Grievance Discussion
Managing the grievance discussion is very important. It is important to have the player involved, listening, and providing examples so that the true facts can be brought to the table instead of misrepresentations and innuendos. During this discussion, it is important for you to listen and understand the "real" issue, which may not be spoken. Be sure to share your side of the story with supporting date and, if required, agree to a corrective action plan by you, the player, or the parent.
Summary
Every coach, no matter how effective their communication style and desire to coach a team in a positive manner, will have player and parent conflicts. It just happens and it will probably happen every season you coach. If you are prepared for it, the whole process will go much smoother and any disagreements can be worked through in an effective manner. To keep any misunderstandings down to a minimum, set the expectations early in the season, let both the player and parent know how and when they can approach you to voice their concern, and then listen to them and agree to a resolution path. In the long run, calm heads and open communication will lead to a successful season for all involved.
Photo Credit: Paul-W
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